Mary Earps’ complicated coming out story is a timely LGBTQ reminder for football
The Lionesses legend has spoken publicly for the first time about her love for her girlfriend; in her autobiography ‘All In’, Earps mentions moments of paranoia and parental disapproval; while the women’s game is very LGBTQ-friendly, it cannot afford to be complacent on education…
Amid the messy fallout from the explosive revelations in Mary Earps’ new book, there is one part of her story over which she has retained control.
The former England goalkeeper went public about her “really happy” relationship with girlfriend Kitty even before the autobiography ‘All In’ officially hit the shelves, so as to better manage the moment.
Josh Parry, the BBC’s LGBT and Identity Reporter, posted on LinkedIn to say that Earps’ team had issued a statement to the broadcaster, sparking “many discussions” about how to talk about her sexuality “responsibly.”
“I was in two minds about whether it should really even be a news story,” wrote Parry. “What does it matter who she loves?”
Yet he decided that it does matter, beyond the promotional machinery of the publishing industry and the fact that elite women’s football is well known for having strong LGBTQ representation. For the last World Cup, in which Earps won the Golden Glove as the Lionesses finished as runners-up, at least 13% of players were publicly out.
Parry’s judgement was correct because on reading the book, it becomes clear that Earps’ coming out is significant. She outlines a series of related challenges and complications which mean that even at the age of 32, it was decided that “learning to be unapologetically me” should form part of her book’s full cover title.
She describes how rules and morals contributed to a conformist childhood, which included incidents at school in which she was bullied.
Much later, she writes about developing strong feelings for Kitty during her time at Manchester United. “When I’d dated a girl, years earlier, my parents hadn’t approved,” she says, which had made her “paranoid and fearful” about having same-sex relationships, well into her late 20s.
Struggles with her mental health, and uncertainty over her future with England and United, were also impacting heavily upon Earps. But being with Kitty gives her “security and stability,” she says.
She directly attributes an upturn in her form to the relationship, which continues to blossom into 2023, with Kitty a key part of the friends and family support unit that travels to Australia for the FIFA World Cup.
However, just before England’s last-16 game against Nigeria, an “almighty row” breaks out in the Adelaide apartment being shared by Kitty and Earps’ parents. The goalkeeper writes: “Kitty told me about a conversation she had overheard between my parents in the apartment that night and the hurtful things that had been said about us.”
Earps explains how she sorted out the issue and went on to deliver a player-of-the-match performance in Brisbane, as England progressed via a penalty shootout victory. “No family is perfect, but the timing was awful,” she adds. She chooses to end the year with Kitty in Barbados, away from her family at Christmas for the first time in her life.
It’s a bold move to include these recollections, even as part of a book called ‘All In’. Unpacking the very recent rivalry with Hannah Hampton is one thing, but writing about a dispute with your parents and pulling back the curtain on a row between them and your partner is quite another.
But for me, and I expect for other queer readers as well, these passages are the most authentic in the book. The suggestion that part of who you are is disappointing to your Mum and Dad and becomes a point of conflict is likely to cause a deep emotional scar. So many of us carry these scars inside.
@itvnews Former England goalkeeper @maryearps has spoken publicly for the first time about her sexuality. The Euro winner shares in her forthcoming autobiography that she is in a "really happy relationship'' with girlfriend Kitty. She spoke exclusively with ITV News about discussing ''the most important relationship in her life.'' Hit the link for the full interview.
♬ original sound – itvnews
‘All In’ arrives in the absence of Rainbow Laces
From an LGBTQ football perspective, the timing of the book’s release is notable, too.
In November 2024, the WSL’s annual Rainbow Laces activation was a celebration of LGBTQ inclusion, while the FA also marked the campaign. Earps kept a clean sheet as the Lionesses drew 0-0 with the USA at Wembley, where Leah Williamson wore a rainbow captain’s armband.
But a year on, the FA is no longer showing support for Rainbow Laces, and Sports Media LGBT+ understands the WSL will not repeat its activation this month either. More than half of WSL and WSL 2 teams sit within the structures of clubs in the Premier League, which has decided to create a new initiative, the details of which are yet to be announced.
The expectation is that British football will now collectively channel its LGBTQ inclusion efforts into February, which is LGBT+ History Month and the Month of Action for the Football v Homophobia campaign.
These long-running activations both put a strong emphasis on creating empathy; identifying and tackling discrimination; and “usualising” the existence of LGBTQ people in all walks of life.
Football bodies and leagues planning for February would do well to listen to the mood music and take learnings from Earps’ experiences. Striking a balance between celebration and education is essential, to demonstrate how freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences.
Every day, we see evidence of this online. The rise in homophobia and transphobia continues to send social media into a downwards spiral, and football in particular is suffering (one example being Joey Barton’s predictably vile take on Earps’ book, in the same week he was convicted of sending offensive social media posts).
But what about those who are influential in other ways? That teammate who makes jibes about girls who have short hair; that coach who says “bi today, gay later” about someone who has a new partner; a member of staff who thinks it’s funny to dehumanise trans people; that family member who tells you they don’t approve of the friend you’re growing close to.
Such people are tough to reach, which is why having role models like Earps sharing their stories still matters. You have to be very cold-hearted indeed to dismiss a person who has overcome feelings of shame that began when they were growing up.
Also, by letting others into this part of her life, at this moment in time, Earps is serving as a source of empowerment. The dedication inside the book is “for all those who are still finding the strength to be themselves”.
In a way, she is also warning the women’s game that it cannot afford to be so self-congratulatory about its queer credentials.
Hers is a somewhat flawed autobiography, with a few jarring factual errors and a reluctance to go deeper when the topic in question demands more analysis.
It’s clearly been a lucrative decision to release ‘All In’ in the run-up to Christmas, and from now on, Earps can also expect to receive plenty of invites from the LGBTQ functions circuit, which is well backed by corporations.
Moreover, having come out publicly, she’s also guaranteed that money-can’t-buy bonus of feeling more authentic, having to no longer split her personal and professional lives so deliberately.
“Truth be told, it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss,” she told ITV News. But in order to move forward, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It’s time for football leaders to be similarly honest with themselves, when the less courageous choice is to avoid risk altogether.
Further reading / listening…
Counter Pressed Book Club: ‘All In’ by Mary Earps (The Ringer and YouTube, November 2025)
Mary Queen of Strops dishes it out in her new memoir – but can’t take it (Jessy Parker Humphreys, The Observer, November 2025)
Rainbow Laces fading, but data shows LGBTQ people in football have real concerns (Sports Media LGBT+, August 2025)
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